It's Dark Inside
by Pongo0614
Summary: After Gorlois was found his parents after his adventure, Morgana starts thinking about the year she was with Morgause. What made them all change? Story 5 of changes


_This is a flashback story with all flashbacks in bold._

_This is set between chapter 14 and chapter 15 of The Adventure._

_Hope you enjoy my take on the gap between series 2 and 3 :)_

* * *

**It's Dark Inside**

Morgana looked out onto the battlements.

By how Gorlois reacted when he saw her made her feel a little better.

It was just find out how much he knew.

Morgana thought back to the turning point of it all.

It was when Merlin had poisoned her.

Now as she knew the truth, it made sense to what was happening and why. She still didn't really understand how he couldn't tell her.

Yet she believed that the spell wasn't affecting her because of her magic.

Merlin maybe more powerful than her but even he was struggling to stay awake.

His eyes showed his apology as soon as he turned to her. She could see it so clear.

She didn't really remember much after he took her into his arms.

* * *

**Morgana wanted to wake up but her eyelids felt too heavy.**

**She could hear someone chanting above her.**

**The voice sounded familiar but she just couldn't put her finger on it.**

**It came to her what had just happened.**

**Merlin, the person she trusted the most, the person she relied on, the person she told her secret to, the only person she believed would accept her, had poisoned her.**

**Why would he do something like that?**

**He was her friend.**

**There were times when she hoped for more, but she trusted him, she had trusted him so much.**

**Why could he do something like that?**

**If it was Arthur, then she could see him being able to.**

**But Merlin, he was so gentle.**

**He hated hunting and killing things.**

**Maybe that's why he chose a woman's weapon, poison.**

**She remembered the way it felt as the poison started to make her throat close up, the way she was gasping for air, the way it felt in Merlin's surprisingly strong arms.**

**Morgana banished the last thought.**

**She couldn't be thinking like that, not now.**

**He had destroyed any chance they had together.**

**He had destroyed their friendship.**

**She wanted to make him pay, make him suffer how he had suffered.**

**But that would make her no better than him.**

**She wanted to know his reasons so bad. She wanted to know why he would do that to her.**

**Morgana felt her strength come back to her.**

* * *

**"He wouldn't have done it because of that." Morgana said, her voice coarse and weak.**

**"But he did Morgana." Morgause said. "He even told me. He had been waiting for an opportunity like that since he found out."**

**"But he saved Mor … the druid boy. He wouldn't do it because of magic." Morgana said not believing it.**

**Morgana had very little idea what Morgause was planning and wasn't about to drag Mordred into it. He had been through too much anyway.**

**"That was all to gain your trust. He wanted to show you that he was trustworthy."**

**Morgana turned the window. She wondered where she was and how far from Camelot she was. She wanted to get home. She needed to get home. Her questions would get answered here.**

**"He wouldn't have tried to help me when I found out about my magic. He wouldn't have told me where the druid camp was. He wouldn't have come to get me when Uther was suspicious of my disappearance. He wouldn't have caused a distraction to try and help me get away with the patrol attacking the camp, trying to get me."**

**Morgause pondered for a while.**

**"How do you think that they found you so quickly? The serving boy must have led them there. Why can't you see he is on their side?"**

**"Because he wanted to help me. He saved the druid boy. He is with magic rather than against it. His best friend even had magic."**

**Morgana didn't see the look that Morgause was giving her.**

**"They say love makes you blind."**

**Morgana turned to her.**

**"And that was only a guess." Morgause said leaving.**

* * *

Still to this day Morgana doesn't know what Morgause did to her.

Yet she knew her explanation for why Merlin poisoned her was wrong.

She was upset because he had chosen Camelot and Arthur over her but then there was very little that could have been done to reverse the spell. The only way they were going to stop it was to destroy the vessel. Morgause made sure to leave that part out.

Even though the dragon had told Merlin that, Morgana did research into it. Her sister shouldn't have been that trusting with her book of spells.

Morgana was sure that she wouldn't know half of what she knew without Morgause. That's why Merlin knew so little.

Esstir had changed.

Morgana remembered her first time there like it was yesterday.

* * *

**She defiantly preferred Camelot.**

**The white marble always made the gloomiest of days seem bright.**

**Esstir's castle of granite made the best of days seem … well gloomy.**

**Morgana could see the damage that was dealt by Camelot. The whole of the west wing had vanished.**

**Morgana remembered watching the soldiers marching out of Camelot for this offensive. It was the only reason they were under some sort of peace.**

**She knew that was all going to change.**

* * *

**Morgana knew that first impressions were important so remembered what her father would say to her. She always did.**

**_Head up, shoulders back, walk like you own the room, don't speak until you have been spoken to, smile._**

**She would admit that in Camelot she got comfortable, so didn't exercise this often.**

**Cenred obviously didn't care about first impressions.**

**He sat slouched in his throne, his shoulders only touching the back.**

**"So you have returned Morgause. Thought you would be back sooner." Cenred smirked.**

**Morgana's eyes flicked between her sister and the king.**

**"Sorry Cenred. Camelot wasn't as easy as I thought." Morgause said. "You wouldn't get passed the front gate."**

**Cenred lent forward. "Wouldn't I now?"**

**Morgause smirked. "I made it to the throne room."**

**"And yet I do not hear of Uther's death."**

**"As I said, Camelot wasn't as easy as I thought. There is a very brave servant."**

**Cenred's eyes didn't leave Morgause once since she had entered the room, until now.**

**He jumped from his throne and walked to Morgana.**

**"And who is this?" Cenred said.**

**"My sister, Morgana." Morgause said.**

**Cenred turned back to her.**

**"Not the same Lady Morgana of Camelot?"**

**Morgause smirked. "The very same."**

**Cenred moved so that his body was pushed against Morgause.**

**Morgana had to stop herself from cringing. What was her sister doing with a man like Cenred?**

**"You do realise that Uther has men everywhere looking for her." He hissed.**

**"Does he?" Morgause said looking confused. "So glad we are in the only kingdom that Uther wouldn't dare step a foot over the border."**

**"He might not but his son might. He has already done it once. What makes you think he won't do it again?"**

**Morgana found her voice. "Well if you looked after the outlying villages as well as the rest of the kingdom then Arthur may have not seen a reason to interfere."**

**They both stared at her.**

**Morgana had just become very conscience to that they were the only people in the room.**

**"Sorry."**

**Morgana thought about her next words very carefully.**

**"I was with him and saw the damage that was caused in Ealdor. We need to save the village."**

**Cenred chuckled.**

**"It was just a village."**

**"Not to Merlin."**

**Morgana cursed to herself.**

**"Mer … lin. Who the hell is Merlin?" Cenred asked.**

**Morgana now wished she had the power to turn back time.**

**"A serving boy. She has seemed to become attached to him." Morgause answered for her.**

**"Why would you risk your lives crossing over the border for a servant?" Cenred said, poking Morgana hard in the chest.**

**"You must understand Cenred. A half decent servant is hard to find. Why send him to his death bed?"**

**Cenred just chuckled before leaving her.**

**Morgana didn't want to be here.**

* * *

Morgana never wished to think what actually went on between her sister and Cenred. It was too weird to think about.

She had very little idea of how long it had been since she was taken by Morgause, but due to the reports of Camelot men on the border, Morgana suspected it was longer than she thought.

Morgana still felt week from the effects of the poison and her recovery relied heavily on a potion that Morgause gave her.

But thinking back now, that was what made her change.

From where she was, Morgana could see the lake that Merlin proposed to her at.

She didn't lie to him when she said it wasn't her first proposal.

It was the most horrible experience of her life.

Morgana had wondered why Esstir had, had so many guest while she was there.

She should remember her first proposal vividly.

* * *

**Morgana wished she could sigh.**

**These court meetings were more boring than the ones in Camelot.**

**Once the knight had reported back from a long but uneventful patrol, Lord Edward stepped forward.**

**Lord Edward was an older man, gut filled to bursting. Not only was his size an issue but his bad breath made his company insufferable.**

**Unfortunately**** Morgana was the one that had entertained him the most.**

**She**** was not expecting his next words.**

**"As many people know, Morgana and I have been spending quite a bit of time together getting to know each other. I feel that I know every part of her and wish that she will accept my hand in marriage."**

**Morgana was stunned to the spot, so much so that her sister pushed her forwards, causing her to stumble.**

**Morgana looked at her sister, who gave her a nod of her head.**

**She knew what she was meant to do but she knew she didn't want to.**

**The stupid serving boy in Camelot came to her mind.**

**It was never going to happen. Never. He, himself, had made sure of that when h handed her the skin of poisoned water.**

**Yet Morgana felt like she could never betray her heart.**

**With a deep breath, Morgana knew what she had to do. For her own sanity.**

**"I am so sorry, milord. I am afraid I cannot marry you."**

**Morgana had never seen a man look so wounded, not even when she had beaten Arthur for the first time in combat.**

* * *

**"What was that? Lord Edward could have given us the extra forces we needed." Morgause shouted at her.**

**"Morgause, I couldn't marry him because I wish to marry for love. Anyway, he would have given you an army and I would have had to give him …. Other things. I don't wish to do that with a man that is as old as our father would be."**

**Morgause looked at her.**

**"You want to marry for love. Isn't that sweet?" Her sister said in a mocking tone.**

**"Mock me all you like. I have been groomed since I was teen that I was going to be married off for the sake of an alliance. Now I am free of Uther, I wish for things my way."**

**Morgana stormed form her sister's chamber.**

* * *

Even though Morgana had enjoyed the time she had with her sister, she never felt at home with her.

Her mind would always wonder to what Gwen was doing now that her mistress was here, was Arthur heading as many patrols as he could for the chance he could find her.

If she let them, her thoughts would drift to Merlin, she would wonder if he felt guilty, if he went on every patrol with Arthur, if she was the first thing he thought about in the morning and the last thing at night.

So when Morgause told her it was time for her to return to Camelot, Morgana was overjoyed.

She could see her friends again.

Yet whatever Morgause had done to her had finally sunk in.

Her hatred for Uther grown but she had managed to gain a hatred for Merlin. Well that's what she wanted her sister to think.

He was the one person she was looking forward to seeing the most.

* * *

**Morgana hadn't seen her sister for a few days.**

**She knew it was because she turned down her 6th proposal.**

**Morgana didn't understand why Morgause wouldn't just let it be.**

**So she was surprised to see her sister in her chambers after meeting, what she suspected to be, her 7th suitor.**

**"Sister, what do _I_ owe the pleasure?" Morgana said, trying not to sound sarcastic.**

**"You aren't happy here."**

**That statement stunned Morgana. She closed her eyes to try and come up with the right emotion.**

**"I do catch you looking out towards Camelot. That tyrant has made you feel like it's your home."**

**"It wasn't like I could have stayed at Tingel. I was carried off to Camelot as soon as I found out about my … our father's death."**

**Morgause looked wounded.**

**"You call me sister, yet you still cannot see it."**

**"I have always been on my own." Morgana confessed. "Arthur may feel like a brother to me but I would never had expected to have a sibling that shares the same blood as me."**

**Silence fell between them.**

**"We need someone in Camelot. Someone we can trust. I think it is time you went back."**

**Morgana tried not to roll her eyes. That was what her sister wanted. But she was still waiting for something else.**

**"You shouldn't be so suspicious of me Morgana. I am here to help you."**

**Morgana moved her eyes from her sister to the table.**

**"I only care for your happiness. I am the only one to every care about it." Morgause said, taking Morgana's hands in her own.**

**Morgana nodded. She didn't want to believe her sister but she knew that her intentions meant well.**

**"I know. I just haven't felt the love you have offered to me for a long time."**

**Morgause smirked.**

**"My leaving gift for you."**

* * *

Morgana started to play with the necklace around her neck.

She hadn't taken it off since her sister gave it to her.

As Morgana had suspected, if she found Arthur, she would find Merlin not too far behind.

Seeing them again made her sigh with relief.

She was going home.

Morgana wanted to tell them the truth but she knew that would have led to a manhunt against Morgause.

She may be against Camelot but she was still her sister and saved her from the poison.

Arthur may have accept her powers back then but Uther would never. Yet her betrayal had left him so broken.

Morgana shock her head. Uther would have never accepted her.

She could still remember the lie she told Arthur.

* * *

**"I was kept in a cell for almost a year. I thought I'd go mad." Morgana said through the fake tears.**

**"How did you escape?" Arthur said with softness she didn't realise he possessed.**

**"They moved me about a week ago. I don't know why. It may have been the patrol from Camelot."**

**"The patrol found you?"**

**"I thought I was gonna be free. But then I saw them killed. Every one of them cut down. But that night, the bandits were distracted by their spoils. I took my chance. When I saw you, I couldn't believe it."**

**Morgana knew she that wasn't telling the whole truth but at least she got something in that was.**

**She hugged Arthur, reminding herself of his strong arms and metallic smell.**

**Morgana looked up to see Merlin. She felt guilty for hugging another man in front of him but she hoped that Merlin would always realise that Arthur was her brother**

**"I think I need to rest." She told Arthur. She knew it would be the only way to get him to leave.**

**"Everything's gonna be alright. You're safe now."**

**_No it's not. You're in danger. _Morgana thought.**

**She made sure that Arthur had left before Merlin.**

**"Merlin. I want to speak to you." She waited till he was looking at her before she continued. "I know what you did. You tried to poison me."**

**The words made her throat go dry.**

**"I didn't want to."**

**Morgana was still having a hard time to believe that Merlin would have done a thing like that. His confirmation of his betrayal hit her.**

**"It's alright, Merlin. I understand. You were just trying to protect your friends, I would have done the same."**

**Well that was Morgana's own conclusion to why he had done it.**

**"Really?"**

**"I was so naïve, Merlin. I don't think I really understood what I was doing. But, believe me, I have seen the evils in this world. I have seen first-hand what it is that Uther fights against. You don't know how much I regret everything that I've done. I just...hope that you can forgive me."**

**"I am so sorry for everything you've been through. It's good to have you back."**

**Morgana couldn't help but smile when he did.**

* * *

She knew in that moment that she was totally and utterly in love with him.

"Ready?"

Morgana turned to her husband, same smile he had given her that day.

"I will be down in a minute."

They were about to tell Gorlois the truth, their real story.

Morgana watched Merlin walk away.

He really was the light to her darkness.

Morgana took in the view one last time.

Unknown to her, in that moment, her eyes turned black.


End file.
